FUBS - the silent killer
I have searched high and low for a cause worthy of being promoted on this blog. Testicular cancer, juvenile diabetes, skydiving lessons for uppity rich women... none of these can compare to the charity I am championing in this post. Please friends, dig deep and give all you can to help stop this terrible disease that affects us all.
FUBS
For those of you not familiar with Fat Ugly Bitch Syndrome, it is a wasting disease that begins in childhood and manifests itself later in life. It is not known whether there the disease is genetically linked, but what is known is that FUBS victims often grow up in FUBS households (or as we call them, FUBSogenic homes).
Symptoms include:
- Being fat
- Being ugly
- Being a bitch
- Mild to severe headache (in other people)
Why, you might ask, is this of such personal importance to me? I recently had a run-in with a FUBS sufferer and it was an eye-opening experience. I was with my friend, let's call her "Julie", walking her dog. As we rounded the corner, we saw a dog chilling in the back yard. The two dogs began wagging their tails and acting playfully through the fence. Seeing as neither was barking or kicking up any fuss, we decided that it was harmless to allow them to enjoy their sniffing and whatnot. This had gone on for about a minute when a woman came out from the house. I cannot name names in the interest of victim protection, but suffice it to say that she is the female occupant of 235a Cerdarbrae ave. in Waterloo, it's a brown house at the corner of Cedarbrae and Sunnydale with a chain fence at the side and it's a PERFECT target for eggs or bricks... there I think that's vague enough.
As she came out, "Julie" and I waved a friendly hello. Instead of responding in kind, the woman glared at us and then said "Can you get your dog off my property?" Somewhat taken aback, we immediately complied. The woman then turned to the door of the house and called to a person (or perhaps a pie, since I can't imagine anyone actually living with her) "It's just some stupid people with their dog." She immediately waddled into the house.
At first I was angry. I am not a stupid person, neither is my friend. The dog is a dog, and that is nobody's fault. For what reason did she take such exception? We were not making a mess, nor were we irritating her own dog, since they were both very friendly with each other. What right did this fat, ugly bitch have to call US stupid?
Then the pieces began to fall into place. Fat... ugly... bitch... FUBS! This woman wasn't a criminal, she was a victim! Her condition was making her behave in such an extremely unappealing way. Instead of attacking her so ignorantly, I should have shown some more sympathy. But that is the thing about FUBS - it is so insidious that you don't even realize the person is a sufferer until they have thoroughly pissed you off and you have popped them one in the snoot.
So the next time you are out and some fat ugly bitch starts getting up in your face, simply apologize and say "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had FUBS." Once you have said this, they will know that you are a sensitive, caring person who wouldn't judge someone merely by their looks... or personality... or actions... and will respond by becoming an even bigger bitch.
For the month of March, proceeds from all Porocrom t-shirts will go towards a FUBS fund to buy treadmills and make-up for the thousands of FUBS sufferers worldwide. We appreciate your help, as every FUBS case is a special one.
FUBS
For those of you not familiar with Fat Ugly Bitch Syndrome, it is a wasting disease that begins in childhood and manifests itself later in life. It is not known whether there the disease is genetically linked, but what is known is that FUBS victims often grow up in FUBS households (or as we call them, FUBSogenic homes).
Symptoms include:
- Being fat
- Being ugly
- Being a bitch
- Mild to severe headache (in other people)
Why, you might ask, is this of such personal importance to me? I recently had a run-in with a FUBS sufferer and it was an eye-opening experience. I was with my friend, let's call her "Julie", walking her dog. As we rounded the corner, we saw a dog chilling in the back yard. The two dogs began wagging their tails and acting playfully through the fence. Seeing as neither was barking or kicking up any fuss, we decided that it was harmless to allow them to enjoy their sniffing and whatnot. This had gone on for about a minute when a woman came out from the house. I cannot name names in the interest of victim protection, but suffice it to say that she is the female occupant of 235a Cerdarbrae ave. in Waterloo, it's a brown house at the corner of Cedarbrae and Sunnydale with a chain fence at the side and it's a PERFECT target for eggs or bricks... there I think that's vague enough.
As she came out, "Julie" and I waved a friendly hello. Instead of responding in kind, the woman glared at us and then said "Can you get your dog off my property?" Somewhat taken aback, we immediately complied. The woman then turned to the door of the house and called to a person (or perhaps a pie, since I can't imagine anyone actually living with her) "It's just some stupid people with their dog." She immediately waddled into the house.
At first I was angry. I am not a stupid person, neither is my friend. The dog is a dog, and that is nobody's fault. For what reason did she take such exception? We were not making a mess, nor were we irritating her own dog, since they were both very friendly with each other. What right did this fat, ugly bitch have to call US stupid?
Then the pieces began to fall into place. Fat... ugly... bitch... FUBS! This woman wasn't a criminal, she was a victim! Her condition was making her behave in such an extremely unappealing way. Instead of attacking her so ignorantly, I should have shown some more sympathy. But that is the thing about FUBS - it is so insidious that you don't even realize the person is a sufferer until they have thoroughly pissed you off and you have popped them one in the snoot.
So the next time you are out and some fat ugly bitch starts getting up in your face, simply apologize and say "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had FUBS." Once you have said this, they will know that you are a sensitive, caring person who wouldn't judge someone merely by their looks... or personality... or actions... and will respond by becoming an even bigger bitch.
For the month of March, proceeds from all Porocrom t-shirts will go towards a FUBS fund to buy treadmills and make-up for the thousands of FUBS sufferers worldwide. We appreciate your help, as every FUBS case is a special one.
posted by Crommunist at 6:11 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for bringing the not-so-silent suffering of the victims of this terrible malady to light on your blog. It is only by the selfless actions of people like you that these fat ugly bitches have any hope of being reformed into normal, well-adjusted women who are merely bitches because they are PMS-ing or on their period, or both (IBUWNOS - Incessantly bitching unlovable women not otherwise specified).
Yes, this insidious health crisis is tragic and the cost is devastating, but did you know that left untreated, it can develop into an even more debilitating condition? Also on the FUBS spectrum is the condition known as FPB, or fat pig bitch. Modern medicine does not classify this as a syndrome, as there is no known treatment, let alone a cure. FPBs are the result of untreated FUBS, and its victims sit in hapless limbo, caught between the external pressures of social intolerance and the internal certainty that they will die alone and muttering angrily to themselves in some state institution, probably prison or one of those places where they put old people and senile pets. These pressures unerringly drive them out of their mobile homes on weekend nights, searching for lonely drunken men to have sex with.
But it doesn't end there, sadly. These drunks are then trapped in a lifetime of servititude, making child support payments to the hapless issue of these embarassing sexual liasons and enduring endless accusations, restraining orders, and ultimately, police cavity searches for weapons of mass destruction.
So I hope that everyone will reach into their hearts and their wallets and dig deep to contribute to this very worthy cause. I would donate something myself, but I am three months behind on my child support as it is, and I'm late for a meeting with my probation officer...
God bless you and your readers!
MM
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