English lessons.

As you may already know, Greeks invented many things, including but not limited to the Olympics, all the languages, and the entire world. So who better than a Greek (me) to teach you some basic English.

Lesson 1: You're vs Your

You're means you are. It is easy to remember if you think of the apostrophe as an a. That way, it becomes youare, which is easier for people of your intelligence (or lack thereof) to remember.
Example: You're a whore.
Your is the possessive form, indicating that you own something. The basic rule of thumb for this is: "Whenever you write 'your', delete it and use 'you are' and vice-versa."
Example: Your daughter is a bigger whore than even yourself.

Lesson 2: Who vs Whom

There is not a chance in hell that you will ever be able to learn the difference between the two, so just use who, unless you want to appear knowledgeable, in which case you will fail anyway, so you can use either. Hint: "I boned mai sister 2day, whom i luv veri much." doesn't work very well.

Lesson 3: It's vs Its

This one is a long shot, but let me try. It's means it is. You can remember this by thinking of the apostrophe as an i, which will make it itis.
Example: It's not odd that your kid is a retard, since you married your sister.
Its again indicates possession, i.e. that you own something. Again the rule of thumb is: "Whatever you want to use, it's wrong. Use the other one."
Example: Wow, you have a really small dick. Its length is about 3 centimeters.

Lesson 4: Murder is illegal

Please do not murder your language every time you speak. It's not u, it's you. It's not tho or b4 or ne1, it's though and before and anyone. If you don't know how each word is spelled, there are institutions that can teach you. They're called schools, go to one.

Lesson 5: Use embellishments sparingly

Don't get me wrong, I am all for using smileys and all that crap, they convey emotion very effectively. The sentence You are a motherfucking asshole! will get you beat up, while the sentence You are a motherfucking asshole! :P will (hopefully) not. A beating is not a small thing to avoid with just a colon and a P.
However, things like the hideous japanese manga face things like ^^ or ^_^ are NOT permitted. The only things this conveys are "I have a face" and "I am a retarded American kid that would like to be Japanese because of all the superpowers they have." Avoid the use of these abominations at all costs.

I hope against hope that this clears things up for you somewhat, so I will not have to tell your mom that you stay up late jerking off to shemale porn.
Suggestions/corrections are welcome, send them to billgates@microsoft.com.