This dreck posted by Poromenos on Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Jack the Ripper

I watched this movie yesterday, about some students who were writing a college project on Jack the Ripper, and a copycat serial killer started killing them one by one. It was the biggest load of crap I've seen in a long time, so I thought I would share it with you. Mind you, I don't know the title of the movie or any of the actors in it (except perhaps their professor, but I don't even know his name), and I don't particularly care to find out. The previous sentence serves no purpose at all, I just didn't want to start a new paragraph after only two lines of text.
This movie featured some great acting, such as the British exchange student, whose accent was 10% British and 80% American (the rest 10% was when he didn't speak). Seriously, that guy was such a joke, he pronounced half the words with a British accent and half with an American accent. I can do better than that, and I'm neither British nor American. I have no idea why I was not cast for the movie, but I'm just grateful, because it was a wreck.
So, after a few murders they drive (flee? I wasn't watching too carefully) up to a cabin on the mountain, and they lock themselves in it to wait for daylight to come. When their professor tries to call for help from his cellphone, he finds out that it is not working, so naturally he assumes that the storm has damaged the antenna on the top of the mountain. He tells his eight or nine students that the phone is not working, and one of them goes "I have a little knowledge of electronics, I will go fix it!". Hey, dumbass, this is not the same as putting batteries in your mom's dildo, this is complex electronics. I mean, how stupid is that, the multi-million-dollar communications antenna breaks down and a sociology or what-the-fuck-ever undergrad student will go fix it. Naturally, some of the students get the faint idea that there is something wrong with that statement, so one chick tries to stop them by saying, obviously, "I don't think that's a good idea.". REALLY?! Why would that not be a good idea!? You mean that I shouldn't go off alone in the middle of the night to the top of the mountain just because a serial killer wants to kill me, and that I should safely wait in here with nine more people? That's crazy! Our electronics expert obviously disagrees because "she can't tell him what to do", and he gets in the car with a few more students (including the one that warned him, go figure) and they all drive off to the top of the mountain.
Somewhere along the way, the car breaks down (what a surprising plot twist, nobody could see THAT coming!) for no readily apparent reason, and they get out to wait for the killer (I think they actually had another reason for getting out, but it was stupid and I don't remember it). As you can imagine, they all die, or maybe one survives.
We now go back to the cabin where the others are waiting, and they are trying to figure out why the killer is killing them in that order. As soon as they start to find a logical pattern in the murders, the movie comes to an abrupt end, because I turned off the television, I can't stand to watch that shit. If you want to know what happens next though, I will venture a guess that the power goes off and they all end up dead, and the killer was actually the chick that warned the dude not to go fix the antenna. Can I have my Academy Award now?

1 Comments:

Blogger Poromenos said...

I'm good at anything, but it's generally like this:
Sex > computers > blogs > other stuff.

10:58 PM  

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