Strip nights
Yesterday I went to a strip club to take care of some business (and no, I do NOT mean masturbating, you sorry individuals). While there, and after I have had my share of ogling the pretty ladies, I started to notice peoples' reactions. Years and years (by which I mean about ten minutes) of research now allows me to post my results, deconstructing the psyche of the strip club goer. These are the categories of people you will find at a strip club:
These people are mostly older men, single or with REALLY ugly wives, who do not have enough money to pay a hooker. They go there to get away from their wife (if available), and to store memories away for later use (read: masturbation). The more severe cases go there every night or so, and spend most of the money they make collecting soda cans on lap dances. My advice to you, if you belong in this category, is to get married (to an ugly woman, because let's face it, you can't do any better), or to get a mistress (which will be ugly, because let's face it, you can't do any better).
People in this category are usually 18-25 and have never (or rarely) been to a strip club before. They are very easy to spot, because whenever the stripper stops in front of them they either avert their gaze or stare stupidly at her boobs (or pussy, whichever is lower). They may already have a girlfriend but are there either for memory storage or just tagged along when their single friends decided they wanted to go (make no mistake though, they wanted to go more than anyone else). My advice to these people is to not stare at strippers. They can tell.
This category consists of people who have been to strip clubs pretty frequently and they just have fun. They tend to be young, and they must not be confused with the regulars, since the regulars are WAY more pathetic. The seasoned adventurers may sometimes ignore the stripper if they are talking to their friends (not if the friend is a newbie though, it's hard to talk to someone who has temporarily become a vegetable due to excess staring), or they can be seen enjoying themselves (NO, NOT MASTURBATING, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU) when the stripper is teasing them. The healthiest people of the lot, the adventurers should keep doing what they do.
These people are the real stars of the strip club. All the strippers want to have sex with them, and the stallion will rarely turn down a polite request. These are the people every patron of the club envies, as they get to do much more than stare. They are a very rare breed, and the only person like that I have met is myself, and he is a great guy. Thanks.
For whatever reason (they are usually butt-ugly), the shy people cannot get laid, so they go to strip clubs, which are still better than nothing. These people often pretend they have entered the wrong club but pretend to stay because they pretend not to have anywhere else to go (no, scrap the last pretend, they DO have nowhere else to go), or they pretend to be surprised, as they were not aware of the fact that this was a strip club, honest! (Cough). My advice to you is, GET A LIFE.
The integral cog of the strip club, these pretty ladies can call me at 555-1234 or email me at ilovestrippers@microsoft.com.
There is noone else. Everyone fits on one of the above categories. If you think I made a mistake and you know of another category, shut up. You're wrong.
I hope I have helped you identify the people around you the next time you visit a strip club. If you are female, you do not go to strip clubs, so you have read this in vain. Bye now.
The regulars
These people are mostly older men, single or with REALLY ugly wives, who do not have enough money to pay a hooker. They go there to get away from their wife (if available), and to store memories away for later use (read: masturbation). The more severe cases go there every night or so, and spend most of the money they make collecting soda cans on lap dances. My advice to you, if you belong in this category, is to get married (to an ugly woman, because let's face it, you can't do any better), or to get a mistress (which will be ugly, because let's face it, you can't do any better).
The newbies
People in this category are usually 18-25 and have never (or rarely) been to a strip club before. They are very easy to spot, because whenever the stripper stops in front of them they either avert their gaze or stare stupidly at her boobs (or pussy, whichever is lower). They may already have a girlfriend but are there either for memory storage or just tagged along when their single friends decided they wanted to go (make no mistake though, they wanted to go more than anyone else). My advice to these people is to not stare at strippers. They can tell.
The seasoned adventurers
This category consists of people who have been to strip clubs pretty frequently and they just have fun. They tend to be young, and they must not be confused with the regulars, since the regulars are WAY more pathetic. The seasoned adventurers may sometimes ignore the stripper if they are talking to their friends (not if the friend is a newbie though, it's hard to talk to someone who has temporarily become a vegetable due to excess staring), or they can be seen enjoying themselves (NO, NOT MASTURBATING, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU) when the stripper is teasing them. The healthiest people of the lot, the adventurers should keep doing what they do.
The stallions
These people are the real stars of the strip club. All the strippers want to have sex with them, and the stallion will rarely turn down a polite request. These are the people every patron of the club envies, as they get to do much more than stare. They are a very rare breed, and the only person like that I have met is myself, and he is a great guy. Thanks.
The shy ones
For whatever reason (they are usually butt-ugly), the shy people cannot get laid, so they go to strip clubs, which are still better than nothing. These people often pretend they have entered the wrong club but pretend to stay because they pretend not to have anywhere else to go (no, scrap the last pretend, they DO have nowhere else to go), or they pretend to be surprised, as they were not aware of the fact that this was a strip club, honest! (Cough). My advice to you is, GET A LIFE.
The strippers
The integral cog of the strip club, these pretty ladies can call me at 555-1234 or email me at ilovestrippers@microsoft.com.
Everyone else
There is noone else. Everyone fits on one of the above categories. If you think I made a mistake and you know of another category, shut up. You're wrong.
I hope I have helped you identify the people around you the next time you visit a strip club. If you are female, you do not go to strip clubs, so you have read this in vain. Bye now.
posted by Poromenos at 11:27 PM
1 Comments:
Thank u Shaolong.
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