Lame excuses.
I am certain that you, like me, are tired of always hearing the same lame excuses. I have compiled the following extensive list of excuses so that you will be informed and you will never again perform such iniquity as to mention them in my presence.
That's just stupid. Like everything else, movies have to obey rules. Even if it's a medieval movie with talking dragons and dwarves, that doesn't mean that the humans can spontaneously change gender and start listening to Emo. And by the way, what was Tess in Ocean's Eleven thinking, that Benedict would say "Sure, Danny, keep the 40-whatever million, I don't need it because it is a trivial amount of money and my casinos run on water"? THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. If someone gave her 40 mil, she would not only leave Benedict, she would kill her own mother. Bitch.
No you don't. If you did, you'd take some aspirin and get it on. I don't get why women use that excuse anyway. Just lie there until I've done my part woman, like our fathers and their fathers did for ages before them. I didn't hear my grandmother every saying "I have a headache", because my granddad would slap her silly and still nail that bitch.
That has to be the sorriest excuse ever. If you want to get it over with, just say "I'm not in the mood, do your thing and let's sleep". No need to fake it, you don't see us saying "No, you are very thin". Well, you do, but that's just because you will never stop bitching if we don't say it.
This might have worked if you weren't 5 hours late for work smelling of alcohol and looking like shit. Just tell your boss you were partying like crazy the day before and there were hot chicks in that party and you wish he was there but you didn't know whether you should call him or not because let's face it you don't know him that well and although he would have enjoyed it very much you did not know if it was appropriate. He will probably tell you to shut up and go back to work somewhere in the middle of that sentence.
Words have standard pronunciations, you clod. You can't just change it and pronounce it "your own special way". That makes you about as special as the fat kid on the basketball team. If you want to be a unique and beautiful person, make up your own words. That should get you in the nuthouse soon enough, and the other inmates will surely appreciate your neologisms.
Unfortunately I cannot write more excuses because I need to walk my ostrich.
Excuse 1: It's a movie, it's OK if it's illogical.
That's just stupid. Like everything else, movies have to obey rules. Even if it's a medieval movie with talking dragons and dwarves, that doesn't mean that the humans can spontaneously change gender and start listening to Emo. And by the way, what was Tess in Ocean's Eleven thinking, that Benedict would say "Sure, Danny, keep the 40-whatever million, I don't need it because it is a trivial amount of money and my casinos run on water"? THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. If someone gave her 40 mil, she would not only leave Benedict, she would kill her own mother. Bitch.
Excuse 2: I have a headache.
No you don't. If you did, you'd take some aspirin and get it on. I don't get why women use that excuse anyway. Just lie there until I've done my part woman, like our fathers and their fathers did for ages before them. I didn't hear my grandmother every saying "I have a headache", because my granddad would slap her silly and still nail that bitch.
Excuse 3: OH GOD, YES! YES! YES! YES! OH GOD! YES! AAAAAAAAAHHHhhhhh.
That has to be the sorriest excuse ever. If you want to get it over with, just say "I'm not in the mood, do your thing and let's sleep". No need to fake it, you don't see us saying "No, you are very thin". Well, you do, but that's just because you will never stop bitching if we don't say it.
Excuse 4: My alarm clock didn't ring.
This might have worked if you weren't 5 hours late for work smelling of alcohol and looking like shit. Just tell your boss you were partying like crazy the day before and there were hot chicks in that party and you wish he was there but you didn't know whether you should call him or not because let's face it you don't know him that well and although he would have enjoyed it very much you did not know if it was appropriate. He will probably tell you to shut up and go back to work somewhere in the middle of that sentence.
Excuse 5: That's just how I pronounce the word.
Words have standard pronunciations, you clod. You can't just change it and pronounce it "your own special way". That makes you about as special as the fat kid on the basketball team. If you want to be a unique and beautiful person, make up your own words. That should get you in the nuthouse soon enough, and the other inmates will surely appreciate your neologisms.
Unfortunately I cannot write more excuses because I need to walk my ostrich.
posted by Poromenos at 4:11 AM
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