Movie tips.
I was watching Black Hawk Down (actually I have been watching it for the last week, 10 minutes per day or so), and it suddenly hit me. You can always tell the good guys from the bad guys in any movie, because the good guys kill five bad guys with one bullet, while the bad guys kill one good guy with a hundred bullets, and the bad guys' rockets never hit anyone, while the good guys destroy a small country's population with a single grenade.
The Americans were out in the open, with hundreds of Somalis all around them (and in elevated positions, I might add), and the Somalis never hit anyone, no matter how slow he was moving, while the Americans killed 2-3 Somalis with one burst. Now that's efficiency!
Despite all this, the Americans always ran out of ammo, mainly because of two reasons. The first is that Somalia, being the rich country that it is (never mind that they fit machine guns on old cars), had an infinite supply of ammo so they could shoot all day without running out. The second reason is that Somalis aren't born, their parents cultivate them in huge fields in Somalia, and each Somali takes two to five days to go from seed to fully adult. Thusly, there were millions upon millions of them, and no matter how many you kill, more will always be back to shoot at you. Oh, and if you kill one, two others will grow in his place, so it's really OK to kill them en masse.
Also, what the fuck is wrong with Orlando Bloom? When you're on a chopper, you fucking idiot, you hang on to shit, especially when you are about to go down a rope. If you stand in the middle of the chopper doing your tap dancing, then it serves you right to fall off it. I haven't finished the movie yet so I don't know if he lives or dies, but he's nothing but trouble, so that won't be a terrible loss.
I have just think of a way that this movie might have been better, so I will release this plot in the public domain, with the hope that someone makes a movie: There are to US soldiers in a chopper, the pilot and another one. The chopper goes down, the pilot explodes ALL OVER THE PLACE, I mean, there's blood and legs and arms and heads and shit all over Somalia, and not only two of each. Then the other dude who was in the chopper tries to guard what's left of the pilot (his chopper) while millions upon millions of black thin dudes fires at him with guns, RPGs and nuclear bombs, but nothing hits him, because he's a well-known actor and not some extra. While he is shooting and killing people and forming mountains of dead bodies (which is OK, because they don't live in the US), he calls in to his base to send backup, but they say "Negative, Doe, you are surrounded by Somalis so we can't send assistance". Oh my, really? WHY THE HELL WOULD HE NEED ASSISTANCE IF HE WASN'T? Because of this hole, I have to add hugeass explosions all around, so noone will notice it, so here goes:
BOOOOOOM! PSHHHHHHHHHH! BANG BANG! PSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BOOM!
Ok, so he's alone and killing everyone. This is the point where the movie ends, but I haven't seen all of it, so I can only speculate. My guess is he does something really heroic like dying or running out of ammo and sneaking behind the Somalis and killing him with his nail clipper. I think that him dying would be better, because there are 270m Americans while there are only 6m Somalis.
Anyway, I'll watch the rest and get back to you later. Maybe.
The Americans were out in the open, with hundreds of Somalis all around them (and in elevated positions, I might add), and the Somalis never hit anyone, no matter how slow he was moving, while the Americans killed 2-3 Somalis with one burst. Now that's efficiency!
Despite all this, the Americans always ran out of ammo, mainly because of two reasons. The first is that Somalia, being the rich country that it is (never mind that they fit machine guns on old cars), had an infinite supply of ammo so they could shoot all day without running out. The second reason is that Somalis aren't born, their parents cultivate them in huge fields in Somalia, and each Somali takes two to five days to go from seed to fully adult. Thusly, there were millions upon millions of them, and no matter how many you kill, more will always be back to shoot at you. Oh, and if you kill one, two others will grow in his place, so it's really OK to kill them en masse.
Also, what the fuck is wrong with Orlando Bloom? When you're on a chopper, you fucking idiot, you hang on to shit, especially when you are about to go down a rope. If you stand in the middle of the chopper doing your tap dancing, then it serves you right to fall off it. I haven't finished the movie yet so I don't know if he lives or dies, but he's nothing but trouble, so that won't be a terrible loss.
I have just think of a way that this movie might have been better, so I will release this plot in the public domain, with the hope that someone makes a movie: There are to US soldiers in a chopper, the pilot and another one. The chopper goes down, the pilot explodes ALL OVER THE PLACE, I mean, there's blood and legs and arms and heads and shit all over Somalia, and not only two of each. Then the other dude who was in the chopper tries to guard what's left of the pilot (his chopper) while millions upon millions of black thin dudes fires at him with guns, RPGs and nuclear bombs, but nothing hits him, because he's a well-known actor and not some extra. While he is shooting and killing people and forming mountains of dead bodies (which is OK, because they don't live in the US), he calls in to his base to send backup, but they say "Negative, Doe, you are surrounded by Somalis so we can't send assistance". Oh my, really? WHY THE HELL WOULD HE NEED ASSISTANCE IF HE WASN'T? Because of this hole, I have to add hugeass explosions all around, so noone will notice it, so here goes:
BOOOOOOM! PSHHHHHHHHHH! BANG BANG! PSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BOOM!
Ok, so he's alone and killing everyone. This is the point where the movie ends, but I haven't seen all of it, so I can only speculate. My guess is he does something really heroic like dying or running out of ammo and sneaking behind the Somalis and killing him with his nail clipper. I think that him dying would be better, because there are 270m Americans while there are only 6m Somalis.
Anyway, I'll watch the rest and get back to you later. Maybe.
posted by Poromenos at 4:15 PM
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