Women.
I recently came upon an email entitled "the Being A Real Guy degree" or some crap like that. It was about an imaginary school where such classes as "Learn to work the toilet seat" and "Learn to share the remote" and shit like that existed. Sounds to me like "the Manwhore degree", so I am hereupon starting to teach the Quit Being A Bitch degree. Don't get me wrong, I love women as much as the next pervert (in fact my very mother is a woman herself), but fuck you, ladies. See where the female emancipation led us, now they have time to write crap like this between doing the dishes and the laundry.
I hate this unprovoked "Ooo, look at us, we are flowery-smelling goddesses of wisdom that have finally found their strength and we hate you, you belching, sports-watching, hairy unable-to-work-the-toilet-seat monsters. Vaginas rock". I never said anything bad about women (not until now, anyway), and I always recognised that the sexes are different but equal (women, stop reading, men, this is just crap I tell women so they won't hate me too much. HEY BITCH, WHY DID YOU READ THIS?).
While we're on the subject, what is this crap about the toilet seat? Why should we put it up, do our thing and put it down again while you just sit your royal ass down and go at it? If I hear another woman telling me to put the toilet seat down after I'm finished, I'll piss with it down and then put it up. Besides, I don't have a problem with pissing with the seat down, you do.
While I'm typing, I might as well hit this too. I always hear women complaining how there aren't any nice guys any more, yet they hook up with men that ignore them, abuse them, whatever. I believe, and that email only serves to reinforce that belief, that "nice guys" means "someone who has a lot of money and will do whatever I want". Even if such men EXISTED, I doubt that you'd find them by hanging out in clubs (not to mention that you blow off almost every guy that hits on you there). That's like me complaining about how hot models never come to my house to give me blowjobs.
The remote control. What the hell is with this shit? I never watch TV anyway, and I'd rather be dead than caught watching the crap you watch. I think you're doing this just to bust our balls the ONE time we decide to watch something (not THE GAME, I fucking hate THE GAME, I never watch sports, unless we are EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS 2004! But I digress).
I also hate how you act like sex is a horrible chore we put you through. "Oh, not again, not sex!". Why do you do this? Do you want people to see that you are an innocent little virgin dressed in white in a world where crazed sex-lusting beasts are out to devour you? Quit it, we know you want sex as much as we do, if not more. Why is it that it's OK for a woman to not want to have sex, but for a man it's "neglecting his duties"? Since when is it a duty, if women say they don't even want it? And besides, on the "headache" issue, is it really THAT hard for you to lie there until we're done?
Searching a bit, I have found the actual text of the email, so I am going to address a few issues. Bask in the wonderfulness that is it.
"MEN 103...PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shut"
What the hell, sounds to me that this is advice for you. If you can't help sounding like a cranky bitch, STOP TALKING. I don't have to put up with you and nod patiently if you can't control what you're saying. I understand that it might feel bad (or maybe it's just an excuse you make for being cranky all month long, since no man ever knows when women are PMSing), but if every word you say is the beginning of a fight, the sensible thing to do would be to not talk.
"MEN 104...We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas"
We do not want to give things that cost more than the deficit of a small country for Christmas. It was either this or a pair of slippers.
"MEN 120...How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrong"
I don't know about other men, but I'm never wrong. Not applicable.
"MEN 213...Honest - You don't look like Russel Wong"
Who the fuck is Russel Wong? He sounds Chinese, so yeah, I don't look like him. I look Greek.
The downside of feminism is that women not only believe they're equal, they believe they're better. Cut that crap. You're going to burn the dinner.
I hate this unprovoked "Ooo, look at us, we are flowery-smelling goddesses of wisdom that have finally found their strength and we hate you, you belching, sports-watching, hairy unable-to-work-the-toilet-seat monsters. Vaginas rock". I never said anything bad about women (not until now, anyway), and I always recognised that the sexes are different but equal (women, stop reading, men, this is just crap I tell women so they won't hate me too much. HEY BITCH, WHY DID YOU READ THIS?).
While we're on the subject, what is this crap about the toilet seat? Why should we put it up, do our thing and put it down again while you just sit your royal ass down and go at it? If I hear another woman telling me to put the toilet seat down after I'm finished, I'll piss with it down and then put it up. Besides, I don't have a problem with pissing with the seat down, you do.
While I'm typing, I might as well hit this too. I always hear women complaining how there aren't any nice guys any more, yet they hook up with men that ignore them, abuse them, whatever. I believe, and that email only serves to reinforce that belief, that "nice guys" means "someone who has a lot of money and will do whatever I want". Even if such men EXISTED, I doubt that you'd find them by hanging out in clubs (not to mention that you blow off almost every guy that hits on you there). That's like me complaining about how hot models never come to my house to give me blowjobs.
The remote control. What the hell is with this shit? I never watch TV anyway, and I'd rather be dead than caught watching the crap you watch. I think you're doing this just to bust our balls the ONE time we decide to watch something (not THE GAME, I fucking hate THE GAME, I never watch sports, unless we are EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS 2004! But I digress).
I also hate how you act like sex is a horrible chore we put you through. "Oh, not again, not sex!". Why do you do this? Do you want people to see that you are an innocent little virgin dressed in white in a world where crazed sex-lusting beasts are out to devour you? Quit it, we know you want sex as much as we do, if not more. Why is it that it's OK for a woman to not want to have sex, but for a man it's "neglecting his duties"? Since when is it a duty, if women say they don't even want it? And besides, on the "headache" issue, is it really THAT hard for you to lie there until we're done?
Searching a bit, I have found the actual text of the email, so I am going to address a few issues. Bask in the wonderfulness that is it.
"MEN 103...PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shut"
What the hell, sounds to me that this is advice for you. If you can't help sounding like a cranky bitch, STOP TALKING. I don't have to put up with you and nod patiently if you can't control what you're saying. I understand that it might feel bad (or maybe it's just an excuse you make for being cranky all month long, since no man ever knows when women are PMSing), but if every word you say is the beginning of a fight, the sensible thing to do would be to not talk.
"MEN 104...We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas"
We do not want to give things that cost more than the deficit of a small country for Christmas. It was either this or a pair of slippers.
"MEN 120...How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrong"
I don't know about other men, but I'm never wrong. Not applicable.
"MEN 213...Honest - You don't look like Russel Wong"
Who the fuck is Russel Wong? He sounds Chinese, so yeah, I don't look like him. I look Greek.
The downside of feminism is that women not only believe they're equal, they believe they're better. Cut that crap. You're going to burn the dinner.
posted by Poromenos at 1:26 AM
12 Comments:
WOW! that was pretty harsh, i think you might find difficulty finding a woman that will put up with your shit...im not saying im feminist but you could shut your mouth for a minute and think of all the wonderful things women have done for u...like cook dinner for example...is it really that difficult to put the toilet seat back down? anyways thats my venting for the day...have a nice one...appreciate the women...
-me
p.s. if it seems really difficult for a woman to lie through sex with you maybe your not doing a very good job
I wouldn't know, I have a small dick so noone will sleep with me. I'm a 44-year old virgin.
Just kidding, I'm 45.
By the way, if the most wonderful thing women did for men was cook dinner, prostitutes would open diners. And also, if it's difficult for a woman to lie through sex, you are doing a GREAT job. Just a hint.
LOL!!! Well, as a woman, I guess I've got the right to say something ;D (Yes, dinner's ready, hon. No, I'm not taking it into the living room for you.)
Half the problem of PMS is that it's freaking hard NOT to keep your mouth shut. It's suddenly like everybody's out to get you and all we need is a nice sincere hug that doesn't turn into sex. Actually, I just get really weepy and cry at the drop of a hat, but everybody's different.
Also -- putting down the toilet seat is just common courtesy!! And it's flipping COLD if you don't put the seat down!! You try sitting on a freezing toilet at 6 in the morning! Not pleasant. I'd get whiny about that too :P
Annd... well... it's not quite unprovoked :S I'm sure YOU haven't done anything to make women mad *ahem* but lots of other guys have... hehehe. Don't worry. For all you boys' strength and endurance and muscle mass and whatever, you have a strangely large amount of extraordinarily sensitive places.
Finally: manwhores aren't such a bad thing ;) You'd get laid more if you tried it.
I shall address the issues one by one.
>No, I'm not taking it into the living room for you.
Your man is a pussy.
>Half the problem of PMS...
A hug that doesn't turn into sex is easy with PMS, unless you are in a relationship with a vampire.
>You try sitting on a freezing toilet at 6 in the morning!
1) So is putting it up after use, and 2) if you are blind and have no arms and legs, yes, it sucks to sit on a freezing toilet. Other people can see if it's down and make the necessary adjustments. Do you seriously see the seat up and say "OK, I'll sit on the cold toilet and bitch about it later" instead of just putting it down?
>you have a strangely large amount of extraordinarily sensitive places...
Yes my heart is very fragile, your comment hurts.
>You'd get laid more if you tried it.
Easy chicks are also nice, and it leads to the same effect!
I hate your post, you sound smart. Email me at smartchicks@poromenos.org
Would I be betraying my gender if I said that if you dont look before you sit then its your own damn fault if the seat happens to be up? I've never seen much point in bitching about that one.
You can't any more right than this... EQUAL doesn't mean subserviant.
Angelique, actually no, you would be very very sensible. I would be glad to share my bathroom with you any time (but don't clog it).
This is hilarious, I am going to blog about this…
Well yeah, okay, I'm guilty of doing some male-bashing myself - but that was all in the past, I swear. My husband has changed all that. Now, instead of saying "Men are such pigs" I say "Men can be such pigs" which I think is so much more sensitive of me.
I've seen the email you talk about, and I love your reply. Both make me laugh, and I figure it's not so bad if I'm laughing at the peculiarities of both men AND women. Cause let's be serious. We both can be pretty fucked up sometimes.
I suddenly have great respect for your husband. :P
blue mama has it right, statements have more truth if you just don't generalize. Most moms teach boys that putting the seat down is polite. Just as it is polite for women to hide their used tampons from men, etc. The key to a happy marriage is everyday thoughtfulness, not just grand gestures of romance.
I'm curious about what polite things do you do that make up for that particular need to defy politeness? Do you avoid all forms of politeness?
Your course for women is very funny, it also reveals what you want and need from women. I'm proud to say that my husband doesn't need training in the course for men, and if he did, we could talk about it and work it out. Equality doesn't mean better, but love means having respect for differences in experience and desire.
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