I'm rich!
What is wrong with scriptwriters? Why are they so detached from reality? Consider the following oh-so-familiar scenario (in a movie):
Man: Oh my love, I love you, will you marry me, <3?
Woman: Oh yes, I will, my love. I <3 you too, it does not matter that you are piss poor and we cannot even afford cereal decoder rings for our wedding!
Man: Oh yeah, about that... I am actually very very rich. I kinda didn't mention that.
Woman: Oh my God, you pig! How could you do this to me?!
Man: Nono, I said rich! You know, the opposite of poor! You know, lots of money and stuff
Woman: Oh my God, I hate you. I never want to see you again!
Man: Uh, no, wait!
Seriously, who would act like that? If I were a woman and that happened to me, it would go like this:
Woman (me): Wow shit, I have a vagina. Let me go masturbate, I wonder what that feels like. Oh shit, look at these boobs. I am SO hot. Be right back.
(A few hours later)
Man: Oh my love, marry me.
Woman: Oh well, okay, for some reason I love you, it's probably the scriptwriters. It doesn't matter that you're poor, I'll marry you.
Man: Oh, that is so great, I am happy. By the way, I'm a millionaire.
Woman: Wow, shit! That's grand, do you have a swimming pool and stuff?
Man: Yeah, the works!
Woman: Wow, great. I understand that you wanted me to love you for who you are and not your money (I am so hot, by the way) and that's why you didn't tell me, and now we can get married and live in luxury forever. Can I order some lesbian hookers please?
Man: Yeah, sure. I actually have more money than I can count, so knock yourself out.
Woman: Great, thanks! <3!
Man: <3!
Also, I was watching that series with Alyssa Milano (nice boobs), the one where they're all witches, I forget the name, and she didn't know how to tell her boyfriend that she was a witch. Finally he found out and he freaked out.
He: Oh my God Alyssa, you're a witch!
Alyssa: Yeah, I know. Sorry!
He: Omgomgomgomg, how could you do this to me, despite your nice boobs! I have a serious problem coping with this, oddly!
Alyssa: But look! I can pull rabbits out of hats!
He: I can never forgive you!
Alyssa: (Cries)
Alyssa: Wow, hey, my boobs ARE nice. I shall play with them a bit.
I mean, what the fuck is wrong with these people. If my girlfriend was a witch, I'd get her to spawn two top models and some sex toys and give me two more dicks or something. These people really should lighten up a bit and have fun. Oh, and another thing that pisses me off, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND PHONES? Why does everyone turn retarded when they speak into one? By the way, do you Americans never say bye when you're on the phone? Conversations on the phone are like this:
Person 1: Meaningless stuff.
Person 2: Response to meaningless stuff.
Person 1: OK, I'll take care of it.
Person 2: (Hangs up)
Have you never heard of something called etiquette? At least we say bye or something when we're going to hang up. Is that an American thing, or just in movies? And, to get back to my original point, HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND WHEN THE OTHER PERSON HANGS UP?! Consider this:
Person 1: Sorry about sleeping with your sister, honey.
Person 2: (Hangs up)
Person 1: (Hears a deafening continuous tone signifying that the other person has hung up) Hello? HELLO? HELLO OMG PLEASE RESPOND WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME WHAT HAS HAPPENED OMG PLEASE TALK TO ME oh she hung up.
No shit, genius! That's why that tone is there, why do they wonder what happened when they can hear the fucking thing? Or do they think that the other person is humming and they're trying to get them to talk to them? It's just stupid.
Also, on a somewhat totally unrelated note, why do women sign letters to people that answer that shit as Clueless? That's so fucking stupid, if you're clueless you shouldn't be alive. You should learn the basics about living and then go on to writing letters. Use Has a clue but wants more, for fuck's sake. It doesn't even makes sense, and what's more, it sounds like you're retarded. Oh wait, how fitting. Forget I said anything.
By the way, women: Say yes to weird sex stuff!
Man: Oh my love, I love you, will you marry me, <3?
Woman: Oh yes, I will, my love. I <3 you too, it does not matter that you are piss poor and we cannot even afford cereal decoder rings for our wedding!
Man: Oh yeah, about that... I am actually very very rich. I kinda didn't mention that.
Woman: Oh my God, you pig! How could you do this to me?!
Man: Nono, I said rich! You know, the opposite of poor! You know, lots of money and stuff
Woman: Oh my God, I hate you. I never want to see you again!
Man: Uh, no, wait!
Seriously, who would act like that? If I were a woman and that happened to me, it would go like this:
Woman (me): Wow shit, I have a vagina. Let me go masturbate, I wonder what that feels like. Oh shit, look at these boobs. I am SO hot. Be right back.
(A few hours later)
Man: Oh my love, marry me.
Woman: Oh well, okay, for some reason I love you, it's probably the scriptwriters. It doesn't matter that you're poor, I'll marry you.
Man: Oh, that is so great, I am happy. By the way, I'm a millionaire.
Woman: Wow, shit! That's grand, do you have a swimming pool and stuff?
Man: Yeah, the works!
Woman: Wow, great. I understand that you wanted me to love you for who you are and not your money (I am so hot, by the way) and that's why you didn't tell me, and now we can get married and live in luxury forever. Can I order some lesbian hookers please?
Man: Yeah, sure. I actually have more money than I can count, so knock yourself out.
Woman: Great, thanks! <3!
Man: <3!
Also, I was watching that series with Alyssa Milano (nice boobs), the one where they're all witches, I forget the name, and she didn't know how to tell her boyfriend that she was a witch. Finally he found out and he freaked out.
He: Oh my God Alyssa, you're a witch!
Alyssa: Yeah, I know. Sorry!
He: Omgomgomgomg, how could you do this to me, despite your nice boobs! I have a serious problem coping with this, oddly!
Alyssa: But look! I can pull rabbits out of hats!
He: I can never forgive you!
Alyssa: (Cries)
Alyssa: Wow, hey, my boobs ARE nice. I shall play with them a bit.
I mean, what the fuck is wrong with these people. If my girlfriend was a witch, I'd get her to spawn two top models and some sex toys and give me two more dicks or something. These people really should lighten up a bit and have fun. Oh, and another thing that pisses me off, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND PHONES? Why does everyone turn retarded when they speak into one? By the way, do you Americans never say bye when you're on the phone? Conversations on the phone are like this:
Person 1: Meaningless stuff.
Person 2: Response to meaningless stuff.
Person 1: OK, I'll take care of it.
Person 2: (Hangs up)
Have you never heard of something called etiquette? At least we say bye or something when we're going to hang up. Is that an American thing, or just in movies? And, to get back to my original point, HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND WHEN THE OTHER PERSON HANGS UP?! Consider this:
Person 1: Sorry about sleeping with your sister, honey.
Person 2: (Hangs up)
Person 1: (Hears a deafening continuous tone signifying that the other person has hung up) Hello? HELLO? HELLO OMG PLEASE RESPOND WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME WHAT HAS HAPPENED OMG PLEASE TALK TO ME oh she hung up.
No shit, genius! That's why that tone is there, why do they wonder what happened when they can hear the fucking thing? Or do they think that the other person is humming and they're trying to get them to talk to them? It's just stupid.
Also, on a somewhat totally unrelated note, why do women sign letters to people that answer that shit as Clueless? That's so fucking stupid, if you're clueless you shouldn't be alive. You should learn the basics about living and then go on to writing letters. Use Has a clue but wants more, for fuck's sake. It doesn't even makes sense, and what's more, it sounds like you're retarded. Oh wait, how fitting. Forget I said anything.
By the way, women: Say yes to weird sex stuff!
posted by Poromenos at 4:58 PM
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