Practical jokes.

Tired of doing the same boring stuff every day? Is your life a mundane routine? Are you ugly? If you answered "yes" to any of the above, you are in the right place. We at Porocrom strive to give you the best and only the best, and we've done it again. After years of painstaking research, we give you...

Practical jokes: How to laugh at other people's expense.

Pet ransom: Find a "missing pet" sign (they're posted ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE) that includes an address. Make note of the address, the name, and the general characteristics of the pet. Go back home and write a letter using letters cut out of old Playboy issues that say "We have Bruno (or whatever the pet's name is). We will be sending you one piece of him every week until you pay us $300,000. -Love, the dognappers". Fashion a bloody paw (or take one from a dead dog and paint it) and include it in the letter. They won't know where to reply, and you'll be laughing your ass off. Repeat until you're bored, but make sure to use a different pet part every time.

Terrorist alert: Get a shoebox and spraypaint it black. Paint the word "BOMB" on it with big clean letters. Go to a subway or airport, sit somewhere and hug the shoebox tightly while rocking forwards and backwards in your seat and mumbling incoherently to yourself. Looking at the floor helps, and so does inserting random phrases like "must kill everyone" and "when will the voices stop?". See how long you can go without getting arrested and/or shot. (Warning: Americans, try this one at your own risk. You'll probably get shot in the head before walking in.)

Car ride: While you're riding in your friend's car and he's driving (preferably at night) and he's driving at a perfectly normal speed, in his lane on an empty, straight road with no car in sight, suddenly go "Hey, cut it out". He'll go "What?". Say "Seriously dude, that's not funny, cut it out". Look increasingly worried, and after a few moments go "OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! DO YOU WANT TO GET US KILLED?!" and suddenly pull the handbrake. It won't do anything at all to stop the car, but it will scare the shit out of your friend (and also mildly damage his handbrake). Laugh while he pulls over and punches you.

Mono: While you're at an expensive buffet with all the rich people and getting food, start coughing at a reasonably small distance from the buffet without covering your mouth. Sound really REALLY sick. Then turn around to the people who are staring at you and say "I'm sorry, but my mono has really weakened my immune system". Voila, all the free food you can eat.

Feel the love: This one's for the ladies. If you're out on a first date in a crowded restaurant (bars/club don't work so well) with someone and he proves to be a real jerk, suddenly stand up and say loudly to him "Oh my god, how could you do this to my sister, she's only 9 years old, you pervert!". Sound genuinely distressed and walk out crying if you can. Watch through the glass while he tries to avoid molestation charges.

Stay tuned for more, folks.